Starting Over...

I realize that you're supposed to save resolutions for the beginning of a new year. I also realize that the new year is really only moments away.  But I was watching the rain yesterday morning, thinking how the rain cleanses the Earth and how everything seems to be re-awakened after a storm.

Watching the rain streak down the window, it suddenly dawned on me, I'm ready to make some changes in my life... and I'm starting now!!

Things I'm going to change:
I've been thinking a lot lately that I want to be more than I currently am. It seems to me that I'm a lot more inhibited than I ever let myself believe. I'm as insecure and self-conscious now as I was when I was 10 years old. I have a tendency to worry about things that I have no control over and I find myself staying up all night trying to fix things that really aren't broken. I seem to let anxiety run my life rather than ME, and I'm just not okay with this pattern I've created for myself.

Unfortunately, Mike has seen these negative things over and over again. Trying to help, he has constantly reminded me that I worry about things that don't matter... and I have to say that I completely agree with him!!

Also, I've gotten lazy. I don't know how this started, but it's stopping immediately. I am going to get back to the gym in full force. I am going to work on running (especially since it's something I used to actually like).

Who I am going to be:
I went through this phase, from about ages 22-25, where I felt really proud of myself. I was confident and worry-free. I was eating healthy, going to the gym regularly, and just enjoying life and all it had to offer! I was positive and had energy bursting out of my entire being at all times!!

I am going to find this person again, and become even more... I am going to break these negative patterns of anxiety induced debilitation. I am going to just let go, relax, and try to remember the things that are really important in life. I am going to be energetic and HAPPY!!!

How I'm going to do it:
Listening to conference yesterday really inspired me. President Monson spoke of service and how much joy it brings to the people being served, but also to the people doing the serving. At work, this year, we've been given a 1/2 day to do acts of service for the community. My team chose to do a snow cone-luau for the children and families at the Road Home shelter in SLC.

President Monson's talk made me think of how much I enjoyed that service project and how good I felt afterward.  So, I'm going to try and serve others in any way I can.

I'm going to let go of things that I cannot control. I'm going to stop over-analyzing every facet of my life. ...I'm going to relax.

I'm going to commit myself to getting healthy. This means the way I eat, exercise, and how I choose to handle situations.

Now, I know that this post sounds pretty negative, but there are some things that I think I do well and I'm going to try and become better at them:
-I'm a very trusting person. People don't really have to earn it, I just give it to them. This can be a good or bad thing (depending on how you look at it), but I choose to think of this as a great thing!
-I try to see the good in others. I refuse to believe that the world is anything but inherently good. I believe that most people want to do good things.
-I want others to be happy. I can't stand the thought of anyone in the world feeling lost or alone. I want people to know that they are special and that they have an important place in the world.

So there you have it... a pre-new year, new year's resolution!